Serpihan-Serpihan Cinta


Sabtu, 8 November 2014

Dear Diary 3- Cherished the moment

I read a blog. The owner shows her love to her boyfriend by giving gifts and so does his boyfriend. Then, the owner shows her new phone wallpaper, that is her boyfriend pictures. They are just some high school couple that just finished their S.P.M last year. It's a gedik situation, some may say, and I was the one who never like this childish things. it makes me puke..

But, what interest me is not the gift, or the activities, but her way of describing the moment, the time, spent together with her love. She describe it so joyfully. It so honest, coming from heart. and the gifts... even it just 20 cents item, it came from honest heart, a pure love heart. A pure heart that know love and the joy of it. I, never show that.. or cherish that..

" You never do something for me, that come from heart, it always.. like you had to do it.. you must do it.. or you can gain benefit from it..  there always whining at the end of it.. "

D'Man always said that, and I keep myself quiet, or slowly denied it. So strange our relationship is right? He knows me too much no matter how much i try to pretend. But never once, he shows his anger towards me. But I can always see his disappointments. I was bad girlfriend.. such a bad one..

Thinking back at that time, yes, i always whining. When he asked me to meet him at another place  that i never went (which i had to drive myself, or pick him up,)  i always whining how tired i'm and giving the reasons of traffics / probability of lost my way...  At the end,  he always pick me up. Even how tired he is.

When I busy during office time, and he calls me, i sometimes purposely do not answer it, or if i answered it, i get mad and scolded him.. But at  night, during bed time, when I was calm, and chill,  he will call me back.- even after what i did to him in the afternoon. He never miss even a day to call and wish me good night. While me? I'm so stingy when i need to top up to call him, so i always keeps my phone with no credits for weeks. I was a bad girlfriend..

Other times, when he wants to meet me so much, so miss me so much, i rejected him.. But when i did, he will always come to see me without any fuss and yet, i still don't believe he loves me and always try to pick an argument with him. I call him a cheater, without reasonable reason and i never trust him. For me,he, is just like many guy out there who always play with girl's heart and feeling, once we trust them..

At that time, i never know love is the reason for his actions, his nice side, his gentleman side, his belief, his trust, and his patience with me.. Yes, we always said to each other how we love each other, but  I just never actually believe.

At that time, for me, our relationship serves as way  to have a family together.. I always think that it is not love that tied us together, but a commitment, dependable feeling for each other and the scare of had to live alone. But, honestly, it was only me who thought that. It was for my own selfishness.

He never once think like that.. He loves me. That how love act is.. and he had shown me his love, all this time..

So , from now on, I want to cherish every moment of me with him and show him my own love.. and it will start by me calling him first, each day..

' " If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it " ~Toni Morrison'